


Anew

by zarahjoyce



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8867041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarahjoyce/pseuds/zarahjoyce
Summary: "Is that what you want? To begin again?"





	

"I like pie."  
  
The words spilled out of her mouth without thought. Nonsensical babble full of words that didn't matter, uttered in a soft, lilting tone. A voice that spoke of uncertainty, perhaps even a hint of fear. So very, impossibly young and human.  
  
"Mama baked one for me one morning. It was blueberry pie, my favorite in the whole wide world. She said I had to wait a bit, but I was so hungry because I had a test the next day and I was so busy studying that I wasn't able to sleep the night before, let alone eat dinner and breakfast, so when I sat down before that table I thought, okay, just one nibble. Or one bite. Or, or one slice, because a slice won't hurt anyone, right? But I was so hungry, and it was my favorite and, and-- there was this crust, and it was flaky and perfect, and the filling was just delicious and I was licking my fingers like in that commercial, but I wasn't eating chicken. I was eating pie and it's, it's my favorite in the whole wide world. It's blueberry pie, did I mention that?"  
  
She held a daisy in her hands. One by one she plucked its petals, thinking of the woeful song the shrub it came from sang. To have the only beauty it could offer to the world snatched from its cradle, then watch silently as its childe was torn apart. Like it didn't matter.  
  
Like it was nothing. Nothing at all.  
  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"Oh!" She covered her mouth and chuckled nervously. "Well, of course Mama found out, because the plate was empty and there was nothing left and my mouth was stained blue, and, and-- I brushed my teeth, I swear, but these stains--" She threw the dismembered daisy aside, forgetting about it in the next instant. "Daddy just laughed. And said it was my birthday anyway, so it wasn't... it was okay, he said. It didn't matter."  
  
It didn't matter.  
  
She tilted her head and frowned, her eyes drawn to her toes. She wiggled them; such tiny, vulnerable limbs. Why must one need them, anyway? There were five of them, each representing a section that made up a foot. Did the absence of one toe made the foot any less than it was? Was the person weaker without it? Should it--  
  
"What are you thinking of?"  
  
She shook her head. "Oh, nothing. I was just, well, I was thinking of the sequence of numbers that made up a pi. I like those numbers. I used to, you know, recite them when I'm nervous, because they kind of... soothe me. There's something comforting about numbers, you know? You may think them infinite, and just never-ending, because once you reach nine you can always add zero next to it and begin again."  
  
"Is that what you want? To begin again?"  
  
She blinked. "I... I don't know. I, I mean, isn't it better if--"  
  
"Perhaps you should. Know."  
  
She stilled and stiffened. "You ask these questions intended only to confuse and annoy me. Why?"  
  
"Perhaps it is I who should ask you _why_ , Illyria. You travel a great distance to come here, in this building, ignoring the risks that you put yourself in. You leave behind the flock that you and Spike have taken under your wing, and for what? To show _me_ how adept you are at impersonating Fred? You will never become her."  
  
"Think you that _that_ is my desire? To become one of you? To sink myself, a God-King, into the depths of murk and dust and lies that mere humans hold as their own? My wants are beyond you and your knowing.  
  
"I have lived several lives at once, satiated every liking until I grow weary. This is not--"  
  
"If that is all, Illyria, then perhaps you should leave. I do not have to tolerate you--"  
  
"I have not dismissed you. You have grown too bold for my liking. Intangible. But not invincible."  
  
A beat. "I have told you before. This lie - wearing Fred like she is _your_ skin - is unacceptable to me. I loathe every moment of seeing you as her, knowing that inside of you there is _nothing_. She is not you. As an ancient, all-knowing being - perhaps _this_ should have crossed your mind."  
  
"You dare--"  
  
"Good day, Illyria."


End file.
